Your Ignorance Doesn't Make Me Less Of A Person

I've had a trying week. I've had a frustrating week. The ignorance of people never ceases to amaze me. It never will so I push forward and continue on.

My meds were doubled and when that happens it takes me a few days to transition and it puts me in a fog. I become quiet, super calm and distant. I'm not the funny, energized Ryan I normally am. This makes those around me uncomfortable. Especially this week because of the reaction I got. I was constantly asked if I was mad. What's wrong? Why aren't you joking with us? I assured them I want mad but that wasn't good enough so I decided to be honest with them about my medication. About my bipolar. I thought hey, I'm not embarrassed of my diagnosis and I could educate. We're adults and can act as such. Nope.

The jokes started. I was actually asked if I was going to freak out. I'm not going to come to work and shoot everyone am I? Do I hear things or see things and start talking to people that aren't there am I? I can laugh with people but I can't take being laughed at. There's a huge difference. So every time I had valid feelings or got frustrated because of what I was doing it was watch it Ryan's going to freak out and lose his shit because I'm bipolar after all.

What I don't understand is I was a valid person with valid feelings to them until I was honest about my bipolar. Suddenly I was less of a person that deserved to be ridiculed and made fun of. In their minds anyway. I'm above and beyond that line of thinking now. I am not in control of their ignorance but I am in control of how I react to it. I actually felt pity. I felt disappointed in their stupidity.

The flip side is I was proud of being honest even though the outcome was more than disappointing. As dumb as it sounds, I was proud of myself for talking about it and I still will. The stigma is still there. But I continue to chip away at it one day at a time. I will not be embarrassed of something i can't control having. But I can control myself, my reactions to it. I'm doing the right thing talking medication even though they literally told me to quit taking them because I was more fun off of them. The old Ryan would have. The new Ryan doesn't give a shit what they think because the new Ryan is confident and doesn't take ignorance to heart and look at it as a reflection of myself. I look at it that people are still uncomfortable with the fact that I'm not uncomfortable. That's on them.

Ignorance and stigma are still very real and very alive in our society. The difference is I don't let it affect me or define me as a person anymore. I have taken the right steps and I've stuck with it. Being bipolar isn't something I asked for but I refuse to let it be my label so in that note....

I'm NOT bipolar- I HAVE bipolar
R. M. Sully