A Tribute To My Brother

So this thing happened today. I get a text from my big brother and it says he needs a favor from me so if I ignore the text for awhile that's ok. How can you not laugh and be intrigued with a text that gets right to the point like that? I text him back right away and told him to call me whenever he wants to. He did and my mind was blown right out of the gate with this favor he's wanting done. Little did he know it ended up being the other way around. 

He asked if I would be willing to be the featured writer for his newsletter in May for mental health awareness month. Now I've never asked his permission to use his name or where he works in my blog so I'm not going to but my big brother has a very important job and has used his talents and position to become one of the biggest mental health advocates you'll ever meet. I guess what I'm trying to say is he has met and works with some of the top professionals in this field and I was the one he wanted to write. See what I mean by him doing me the favor?

I have always said and will keep saying that my family has always been my biggest support system. I haven't always been a good little brother but that's never phased him. He's always been ready with a hug and forgiveness when I snap out of it. He's dealt with me as a nasty drunk, manic with impossible ideas pouring out of my brain, depressed to the point that living seemed harder than dying. Being on meds and off and on and off and on and off and...sorry bipolar joke. Had to be there I guess. My point is I've always idolized my brother but I haven't always shown it. 

So I want to kick ass on this article. I want to show my brother that it was worth all of his energy to not give up on me. I want to make him proud. I want him to feel pride when people read it and say that was my little brother. I want to let him know that I don't take this privilege lightly. I want to thank him for loving me to the point that he makes sure mental health gets its due. 

So this is a long overdue tribute to my big brother. He reminds me so much of our dad and I can't think of a better compliment than that. So big brother I love you, I look up to you, some of which because you're taller than me, and I will forever be in awe of you. Thank you for this opportunity. 

I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar

Ryan M Sullivan

It Will Never Make Sense. Never.

I was talking to a friend the other day and they were upset about how they felt they had been there for someone and had tried their best to help a person out and basically got the ol f you in return. Their dilemma was they just couldn't understand how someone would do that to them, that they've been struggling trying to make sense of it. I feel bad for them and gave them the only reply that has made sense to me from being in similar situations. 

It will never make sense. Never. I'm sorry for the bad news but here's why. You aren't that type of person. You would never do that to someone else and because of that you can't relate therefore you will never have a good enough answer to make things better in your mind. It's like looking at a calculus book and trying to figure out why you can't solve the problems when you know nothing about calculus.

 If you value friendships, relationships, whatever label you attatch, then you expect those with those labels to have the same love and loyalty that you do. It hurts when you find out otherwise. You'll try to figure out the whys and hows until you're angry, sad, defeated. Then you'll learn to let go. To let them go. That their actions are no reflection upon who you are as a person but of themselves. 

I keep an extremely small circle and I'm fine with that. Does it mean I spend a lot of time by myself? Absolutely but I am fine with that as well. John and Ape are hands down two of the dearest friends I've ever had the priviledge of calling friends. Amazing, amazing, amazing people. I'd rather have two friends like them forever than a ton of people i may or may not be able to count on. I'm a quality over quantity kind of guy i reckon. 

So you're going to run into people like my friend and it's going to hurt but just remember that just because you are a good and loyal person doesn't mean everyone else has those same values and morals. And please remind yourself that it's not a reflection of who you are as a person...some people just suck. 

So treasure those ones that have your back and you have theirs. They seem to be few and far between anymore. 

I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar

Ryan M Sullivan