Never expect someone to do something that you aren't willing to do yourself.
In my opinion that deserved an area all it's own. At the time I understood it in the context of work. That I'd better be willing to do whatever I told someone else to do. That it wasn't my job to get out of the crappy parts but to lead by example and do the crappy parts with them. Huge piece of advice I can too pass on to you that have a "boss" position because your employees respect you for it and do work harder for you. It's simply a fact from my experience. My dad never used the excuse that I'm the boss I don't have to or I've earned my right not to either and he was the owner. Could work circles around anyone on the job site. Probably because he lived by that piece of advice he gave me himself.
As I've grown older I realize that it's so much more than work related. I think dad wanted me to realize that all those years ago but hey I was young and dumb what can I say? It is amazing how you can put that saying to action against a lot of decisions you make in life. And if you do, the outcome is so much better.
For one, relationships. Imagine if every time you wanted to pick apart your better half for something if you asked yourself if you're willing to do the same thing for them in return. You never rub my feet but are you willing to do the same for them? You never text enough but have you text them or just fuming because they haven't text you? What I'm trying to say is as soon as you tell yourself they never...just stop. Now ask yourself have you been willing to do for them what you are about to say they never do for you? You are expecting them to be understanding of your needs but are you willing to be the same for them? How about patient? How about realizing their needs may not be the same as yours and being willing to adjust accordingly?
The same can go for mental illness. Now I'm probably going to get some flak for this and I don't care because contrary to popular belief I still feel entitled to my opinion even if it doesn't reflect yours. Those of us with mental illness can be selfish. I'll say it again. Those of us with mental illness can be selfish. Are you fuming yet? It's ok you'll be fine. I know when I am in crisis mode or the crappy parts of my bipolar, the ol dreaded depression, I've had to lean on my loved ones. They've built me up. Helped me feel better. Was there when I was acting psychotic all the way to I'm the king of the world Leonardo Dicaprio I can do anything in the world because I'm Ryan Sullivan and in my head at that time that means I'm the best thing since sliced bread. Whether I want to admit it or not, I have come to expect some form of 'being there' for me from them. Am I willing to do the same for them? I should because I expect it, right? Here's where I struggle because my problems are real and magnified and I have a diagnosis damn it so how bad can their problem really be? Ever thought that? Are you willing to admit you have?
We expect people to be there for us but are we willing to do that exact same thing for them? I ask that for the simple fact we all fight to get rid of this stigma related to mental health and that's one of the stereotypes. We're needy but not always there for those that were expect to be there for us. I have to admit I agree. Because I can relate. Because I have a mental illness. I'm guilty of that. Sometimes walking out that door feels like I'm dragging a semi behind me but I ask myself would John or April mom or Bobby or Maria or Sarah or...you get the point...do it for me? Absolutely. Beyond a shadow of a doubt absolutely. So I've started telling myself that I will no longer expect them to do for me what I'm not willing to do myself.
If I've pissed you off with what I've said I don't apologize. I understand no one mental illness is the same. I've understood that for many many years now but my goal is to keep pushing myself to be better, to make awareness for mental health to be better and to get rid of the stigma and sometimes you have to talk about the bad with the good. And sometimes that bad hits a nerve signaling maybe it's time to self-reflect and make a few changes.
I spend a lot of time alone both in my personal life and my job so I have a lot of time to build myself up as well as tear myself down. And sometimes that ends up being as simple as don't expect others to do the job of providing me happiness if I'm not willing to do the job of providing it myself. Or respect. Or worth. It's your 'blank' to fill in but it's also a job you must be willing to do yourself.
I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar
Ryan M Sullivan
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