The Biggest Lie Ever Told

Based off my title I’ll get right to the point. I believe the biggest lie ever told is that there’s someone for everybody. There’s a soulmate just waiting for you out there. To me, that’s the equivalent of a participation ribbon at field day. It’s a feel good statement. Something that someone says to their single friend so they don’t feel bad about themselves. 

Now don’t get the wrong idea because this isn’t a pity party blog. I’m not on my knees in the middle of a rainstorm screaming at the heavens ‘why god why’ dramatically like some crappy Hallmark movie. I’m merely trying to understand how some people are able to find that one person that sticks with them thru thick and thin while others seem destined to walk this earth alone. I think about this a lot. 

On a personal level,I haven’t had a relationship last longer than 4 years and that was my marriage. The rest have been a lot less than that. Now to be brutally honest, I use to be a raging alcoholic and I have since realized that’s not something women are eagerly searching for on the old resume of relationships and I’m bipolar to boot. I’m not saying bipolar people are not worthy of love but I am saying alcoholic ones can be challenging to love. Unmedicated raging alcoholic ones slightly by a lot could possibly be more challenging. 

I grew up with perfect examples of soulmates with my grandparents and my own parents, my brother and Maria so I’m not comparing that term to, let’s say, unicorns or leprechauns but they do seem to hang out in the same places. So again I wonder what separates those from me? I know I’m not the easiest person in the world sometimes but neither was my dad or mom or grandpa or my brother…you get my point. They still have someone that had stuck by their side. 

I’m know it’s a good thing that I’ve moved on from some of my relationships but I feel I had a couple over all these years that I thought was the real deal. I believed it when they said I love you. I believed myself when i said it back. But I sit here single, writing this blog, analyzing why I’m single sitting here writing this blog. I am comfortable being single. I’m comfortable being alone. But I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t want that special someone that complimented me as a person. 

So maybe it’s me? Maybe at the end of the day I need to look in the mirror and keep evaluating my actions and expectations and see if they’re unreasonable. Maybe I’m demanding unicorns and leprechauns when I should be more realistic and look for a human that will make mistakes but on the other hand allow me to make mine as well. That is a very real possibility. I will accept blame where blame is due. I don’t have a problem being honest and critical with myself. Maybe too much so but I’d rather be that way than trying to live up to the fantasy of perfection. That’s the unicorn’s name by the way. 

So anyway, if I’m meant to walk the rest of my days alone in the sense as remaining single then alone I will walk but that means that there’s someone for everyone remains as the biggest lie ever told. I’ll be hanging out with Perfection if anyone needs me. 

I’m not bipolar-I have bipolar

Ryan Sullivan