Quit Planning Forever and Just Get Thru Today

I think that's been my biggest problem as of late. I'm so worried about what i think will make me happy forever that I'm forgetting to be happy today. Or it controls my perception of happiness, or lack thereof, for the day. That's not a good approach and I've finally figured that out. I miss out hanging with friends or enjoying what I'm doing while with friends or whatever I'm doing because my mind is focused on what isn't making me happy but convinced it will.

People can't make you happy. If you put all of your money down on that bet, i hope you don't mind going broke. That becomes a long hard road out of hell. I've been told so many times in the past few months that once I'm happy with myself I'll be amazed at the happiness i feel naturally and i feel i was getting there but then i forgot and started putting that burden back on others instead of myself and I'll be damned if i started losing that natural happiness. God i hate it when everyone ends up being right but i will be in control damn it.

So i started telling a friend that man this house is going to be so bad ass when i get done with it and how the backyard is big enough to have people over when the weather decides to behave. I told said friend all the things i plan on doing in life period and they were really quick to point out how i was basing my level of happiness on materialistic things. That not once had i mentioned just being happy period. Period. Yes i meant to repeat that. Just good ol happiness with my life end of story. Happiness that didn't involve buying something or travelling somewhere. That really hit me. Hard at first in an irritating kiss my ass sort of way but it's because it was the truth. The type of truth no-one likes to hear because, well, it's the truth.

It's crazy how when you don't set your expectations on things or people and can enjoy spending time with yourself that suddenly they become an asset to your life instead of a necessity. I read a lot this evening and enjoyed that. I burned tree limbs and fired up the smoker at my new place the other day-really enjoyed that. It's time to take joy or derive my happiness from the small things in life again and everything else will fall in place as it seems to always do.

I'll be posting a short story i wrote on here soon but I'll warn you that it's dark. I've started a second one and also dark. I bet you can guess what the third one will be. Poetry is hitting paper again. I went to my Men's Group tonight for the first time in over a month and it felt good to be back. Time to get back to basics. Do the things that were working for me. The real work is trying not to take control again thinking that i can go back to my way of doing things. That is really hard for me. Sometimes you just have to sit back, enjoy the ride and realize whatever's meant to be will be.

I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar
R. M. Sully