The Wagon

So i have had a constant struggle with alcohol. I get on the wagon, convince myself after a period of time that i can be a social drinker and then the slow spiral into full blown drinking begins. This time i convinced myself if i don't drink liquor then I'll be ok. And i was. For awhile.

I don't like my meds so i self-medicate with alcohol. It slows my mind down and i feel relaxed. Until i cross that line in the sand. Then it turns into Ricky time. Ricky is what my friends call me when i go from easy going Ryan into full-blown douche mode. I obsess on things and when something that irritates happens and i add alcohol to the mix, it magnifies it by about a million. Not good

I'm not sure why i convince myself time and again that i can handle alcohol because i prove time and again that i cannot. I think it irritates me that i can't so I'm bound and determined to prove that i can. The ol definition of insanity ring a bell? So I'm getting on the wagon again. The key is not falling off and i just haven't quite mastered that part yet.

I've proven time and time again that i can have fun without it. I honestly have a better time. I don't like feeling odd man out i guess. I have plenty of friends that can handle it 100% of the time. I am not one of them.