Sunday, May 15, 2022

Behind Closed Doors (poetry)

I look
At the
Door 
Closed
And
Comforting 
Nothing
Good
On the
Other side
Pain
Hurt
Lies

I
Turn around
Sit back
Down
Take a
Deep breath
I’m safe
Alone
With myself
Which can
Be
Too much
Company

Alone
Is better
Repeat 
To myself
Remembering 
The past
Helping
To
Comfort
My
Line of
Thinking

If
I can’t 
Be reached
I can’t 
Be hurt
If
There’s no
Conversations 
There’s 
No lies
As I 
Lock 
The door 

Solitude 
Is comforting 
Addicting
A drug
I
Refuse
To give
Up
Letting
It
Consume
All of
Me

I’ve spent
My life
Apologizing
For things
I can’t 
Take back
While
Taking
Blame that
Other’s 
Refuse
To 
Own

I walk
Room to
Room
In the
Company
Of
Memories past
Ghosts that
Hold my
Hand
Reminding me
They’re always 
There

Echoes
Of words
That were
Once
Comforting 
Now
Break down
My 
Sanity
Trust
Heart
Mind
Existence 

My light
Has been
Dimmed
My outer
Shell
Solidified 
With pain
Armor 
I
Display
Like
A
Medal

When
Every
Battle
Is a
Loss
The courage
To
Keep 
Fighting
Diminishes
And begins the
Defense of
Shutting 
Down

As I walk
Room to room
Whispering
Never again
Feeling the
Stone 
Around
My heart
Taking over
Knowing if
I keep it
On repeat
I’ll believe it

Never again
Will I
Be hurt with
I love you
Never again
Will forever
Penetrate
My armor 
My only
Soulmate 
Are the
Ghosts
Holding my
Hand

As I walk
I find
Comfort
In their
Whispered
Truths
Ears straining
To hear
Every word
Heart stacking
Every stone
Mind 
Accepting

Come
Hold my
Hand
And tell
Me more
Reassured
By the
Fact you’ve
Proven you’ll 
Always be
There
By
My
Side

Lie in bed
With me
And 
Whisper
Everything 
You’ve always
Told me
I won’t 
Argue
Your truths
I won’t tell
You
It could be different

Keep me
Company 
You are
My constant
Always
Have been
No
Matter
How many
Time I called
You liar
And said
I too can
Be loved

Shower me
With your
Gifts
Of
Reality
I welcome
You with
Open arms
Thanking
You
For never leaving
Me

So I turn
The second lock
On the
Door
Knowing
You’ll protect
Me
From the
Real lies
Keep me
Safe
Fortify my
Armor
Love me


Ryan M Sullivan 

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