I Don't Deserve It But I'll Take It

I have so many memories climbing those stairs to my apartment while i work on my house. A lot bad but some good.

I remember getting this apartment for bad reasons. Reason. Plain and simple. I screwed up yet another relationship and now i was on my own. Didn't like it. That lead me to think of other things i didn't like about myself. Other relationships. 

Remember my best friend Elvis? Remember his wife Jill? Remember i was the best man at their wedding? Remeber i burned that bridge and friendship to the ground?

Guess who called me on Friday. Go ahead and guess. I heard Elvis on my phone for the first time in years call me brother. It shook me to my core. I couldn't talk. I wept. I seriously cried in front of people and didn't give a shit. Everything disappeared except for our conversation. I couldn't believe it.

I have ruined so many things in my life and some i care about and others i don't give a second thought but this is huge. This is something that got ruined and i legitimately knew i didn't like the outcome. I knew it was wrong when i was saying what i was saying but still said it. I knew it was beyond reconciling. Guess i don't know as much as i thought i did.

Once again I've been shown that the past is the past and i can't live there. I've been shown that everyone doesn't hold the past against me. Such a good feeling. Once again i don't deserve but I'll take it.

I constantly obsess over things and most, hell, 99% of them i can't change but that 1% makes it worth it. I use to think i knew what i wanted in life. I thought it was all planned out not too long ago. I've now learned, once again, that when i let go and let things happen the way they were suppose to instead of trying to control the outcome that amazing things happen. You know why? Because they were beyond my control. So i don't deserve this but I'll take it.

I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar
R. M. Sully