Now after i wrote that title i thought some people are going to be disappointed because I'm not talking about inanimate objects or animals speaking to me so hopefully you keep reading.
I'm talking about song lyrics or quotes like in Fight Club. I love Breaking Benjamin and one part in their song 'Failure' hits me every single time. 'Tired feeling lost, tired of letting go'. Such a short verse in the song but it really makes me think. I still feel lost at times and I've let go of a lot in my life. Some things needed let go of but others i should've held onto tighter.
I'm an obsessor. Is that a word? If it isn't it is now because i just used it in a sentence. I like to ponder over things over and over and over again so that maybe i can learn where it went wrong and i won't make the same mistake again. This is with anything. My brain is constantly going over things and it can become quite maddening at times.
Tired of feeling lost- we've all felt that way at one time haven't we? Please say yes so that i don't feel awkward. There's been times in my life where i don't feel like things will get better or i have no purpose. That's why i appreciate people like my family that build me back up. Hilary (she's a published author by the way! Congrats!) told me she was proud of me for my blog and for being invited to give a speech about it in August. Not many guys can say their ex-wife is encouraging like that. I've got great friends that are constantly letting me know I'm heading in the right direction. Kinda hard to feel lost when so much positive is happening around me.
Tired of letting go-this one I'm still working on. Much easier to let go. To disappear. To walk away. I've done it quite often in my life and I've gathered quite a collection of regrets. I'm still hoping for the day that my once best friend Elvis and i will reunite and hang out like the good ol days. When i get upset with the same family that builds me up i walk away. I'm tired. I'm tired of walking away.
Like Hilary said- "Ryan you are a hard son of a bitch to be around sometimes and there's different Ryan's a person has to be able to deal with but that's what makes you unique." That made me laugh until tears ran down my face. It's what i needed to hear. May sound strange to you but people that really know me can speak the exact things i really need to hear and that's what i love about them. I'm a snowflake people. How in the hell can that be a bad thing?
I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar
R. M. Sully
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