Welcome back and i appreciate you still being with me on this journey. Over 1000 of you over 5 continents have found what i have to say worthwhile and that's humbling so thank you!!
Last blog i filled you in on the major symptoms i experience so today we're going to start in on my stays at psych wards. I'll cover each stay individually.
My very first time in a psych ward was in Cushing in Leavenworth. I was going to rehab in Atchison at the time. Valley Hope. My drinking had gotten way out of control so off to rehab i go. While there i had a couple of moments that really tested my sanity. The first was going into the bathroom and while washing my hands i looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was my reflection but it was doing stuff i wasn't doing. It was like seeing an evil version of me. I remember thinking this is why washing your hands after peeing is overrated. The second that finally got me carted off was a preacher was there trying to talk to me. I had seen that demon face on him and so i wanted nothing to do with him but he persisted so i freaked out. I won a 72 hour stay in the psych ward for my participation.
I remember getting on the elevator at the hospital and there were no buttons for floors. The nurse had to put a key in and that was the only way on or off the floor we were heading to and that's when reality set in. The doors open and now I'm officially committed for 72 hours. All rights ceased to exist. I couldn't leave no matter the circumstances and that's a horrible feeling. So i did what any rational human being would do and tried to escape.
I'm not sure how many of you have tried that but it's not like the movies. That place was like a jail without the title. Did you know they frown upon that? So much so that they gave me a pair of these really neat padded bracelets that could attach to a bed in a suite you get all to yourself for awhile. How kind-really you shouldn't have because the others might get jealous.
After the appeal of the suite wore off, I got to hang out with the gen-pop and the first thing i did was sit on the couch in front of the boob tube. Mistake #2. They're watching the channel that talks about serial killers and crime shows. Two of the guests started talking about the most horrendous things I've heard of what they had done to people and i thought well I'm going to die within 72 hours but at least I've got my room to escape to.
I'm getting my limited affects out by my bed and had just sat on the bed when Serial Killer Fan #1 walks in and lies down on the other bed for what i can only imagine were dreams of dismembered body parts and murder. This is not me judging because I'm forming my opinion based off the fact that he talked about wanting to dismember and murder like i talk about liking pancakes for breakfast. I knew i was going to die so i avoiding my impending dismemberment by sleeping in the hallway outside my room.
So long story short i obvioulsly avoided dismemberment or being murdered so i could tell my stories to you amazing people. I was put on meds and released back to the other land of crazy called rehab. I'm not sure which place was worse at times but i survived.
I joke about the psych wards because it's better than the alternative and it's shaped me into the man i am but doesn't define me which I'd why I'm able to be open about it now. Don't ever be embarrassed of your past. Everybody has one.
I'm not bipolar-i have bipolar
R. M. Sully
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