I've been away for a few days and it's because I've been in a funk. I've been struggling with some things but i think my head is screwed on straight again.
One of my biggest struggles is my meds. I hate taking my meds. I have this problem with thinking that it makes me less of a person or steals my creative side from me. It's not true but tell myself that. If you can convince him please let me know how you did it. So i argue with myself on whether i need them or not. I hate getting blood levels drawn. I hate everything about it but the end result is that i need them whether i like it or not. So the psychiatrist started a different one today and off to the races i go.
I still struggle with just accepting things are great and to be happy about it. Sometimes the other shoe isn't going to drop and i miss out on life worrying about something that isn't going to happen. That can be a dangerous thing because it's like a virus and starts spreading through everything and everyone around you and if I'm not careful then it leave me a lonely person because nobody wants to be around that. Hence the medication i hate to take but obviously serves a purpose.
I'm better at being vocal with those around me so they don't feel like they did something wrong with my silence. Sometimes i like to disappear while I'm sitting next to those i care about and I've learned to come back and use my words to reassure that nothing is wrong, i just went on a little trip. Those trips are starting to get shorter.
I have a lot of positive going on in my life and i refuse to be my own worst enemy any longer. I am going to fight to keep all the positives in my life instead of going on trips in my head and realizing there's no one there when i get home. I told you that is a dangerous place and now it's time to follow my own advice.
I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar
R. M. Sully
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