Alright, alright, alright. Have you ever seen something you swore was there but chances are it really wasn't? We all have. Completely natural for the eye and mind to jack with us from time to time and we see a shadow or something out of the corner of our eye just to turn and nothing's there. I mean, this does happen to the 'normal' people out there too right? Man i hope so or you guys are really missing out and should get out more.
Now how about vehicles and people. Are you cool enough to look out a window and see the FBI (man they really are probably following at this point) in white vans sitting outside your house? Have you been in such an enlightened state of psychotic psychosis that your brain has literally told you that your boring, laid back lifestyle is so interesting that the FBI wants to hang out outside just to catch a glimpse of how awesome you are? Why are you saying no? Oh that's right, because my answer should be no as well. Ummmm...is it bad that it's going to be yes? Well that sucks but I've already said too much so keep up so i can get this finished before they knock on the door.
I don't see them all the time and it's few and far between but it's so real to me when i have, that i emailed the KBI and told them to please quit following me. Let that dandy piece of candy soak in real good for you. That leads to a certain bit of chaos and embarrassment and I'm sure a red flag next to my name in their database. It lead to the sheriff, the EPD, courthouse security and my brother being notified to name a few. I still have to show my face around in this town. Tell me i haven't been judged as a looney tune. But that's beyond seeing a shadow or something out of the corner of my eye but it's as real to me as that strange white van sitting out....you get my point.
My family has tolerated this craziness and supported me thru thick and thin with a passion that equals no other. Well no other except my love that drives a Nissan. She doesn't think I'm crazy. Well she does but not in that sense of the word. Not the negative way people have of saying it but in the way that I'm unique and she loves that about me. She told me she's going to be by my side thru all my ups AND all my downs. That 'and' is huge. I'm use to buts. I'm use to clauses. I'm use to horrible, hateful remarks. The only thing she had to say when i finally let go and told her all of this baggage that came with me was she finally understood why i had done the things i had done and that she loves my honesty. And me. Another huge 'and'.
I can't imagine how isolated and lonely she had to have felt at times the first 2+ years we were together. Constantly wondering what she had done wrong while i disappeared into my head thinking i was doing her a favor by hiding it. It lead to our break up. It lead to heartbreak. It lead this unashamed, strong and confident man that I've become. What? Yes i am saying I'm glad all that bad happened because now my life is filled with good including M because of it. So even though it was painful I'm glad it happened. I needed it to happen.
I've now got being a key note speaker in my sights. I want to speak to schools, law enforcement, mental health conferences...i want to help others get where I'm at before 40. I want to give insight to those that deal with the public. I want to touch lives in a positive light. I'm not ashamed, I'm not embarrassed and i like me flaws and all. So does my family. I'm guessing M does too since she said she's looking forward to the next 40 years. She obvioulsly hasn't tried to picture what I'm going to look like at 80.
I'm not bipolar-I have bipolar
R. M. Sully
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